Reach

Silence like a pine tree
in stagnant summer heat
and I cannot absorb it.
I need cold night
on a jam packed
city street for it all
to seem, I guess,
like nothing is missing.

I want blue light
on my skin
and the sun to rise
before I realize.
Take all the heavy shit
and barricade the door
that no one wants open,
no one is on the other side.

Damp air and cold concrete
so much better than a blanket,
The bed too comfortable
I cannot sleep. I have to sit here
awake making do with these
self inflicted dreams.

I rip the wings off the bird
and watch it fall until I realize
I am falling with it.
Clouds pass through my hands
containing memories
before this one mistake
which burst into mist,
I know we’ll never hit the ground.

It’s too much
the sight and sound
the constant wind
against my ears.
Gravity spins me
head over heels
there is no up
or down.

I pray for water
landing somewhere
in the ocean
one enormous splash
before the silence of the depths
where I will sink so deep
no one will ever find me,
no longer lost,
just finally out of reach,
and free.